Category Archives: On My Mind

On My Mind

Decaf Coffee

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There is plenty to say about regular coffee, but what about decaf? Why say anything about decaf? It’s anti-coffee culture, not at all Italian, and exists in an unnatural form of something so wonderful that it needs no modification.

This was my perspective until I had a cup of decaf coffee last weekend, my first cup since finding out I was pregnant. I’m coming to the end of week fourteen now and I spent a good seven weeks not thinking about coffee at all. And then suddenly, I missed it.

I missed the ritual, the smell of grinding beans and pouring over hot water. I missed the first sips in the morning, a cup to be enjoyed slowly before my students arrived, or as an accompaniment to the calm of weekend morning rolls and jam. I missed the taste, the feel on my tongue, and I missed looking forward to all of it.

When my partner went out last Saturday morning to buy fresh rolls, I asked him to look for decaf coffee. He came back with a small pack and I delighted in first one, and then two, cups. He laughed at the grin on my face and rapture in my expression and said, “You know there’s still caffeine in it, right?” I do know that, and I wasn’t afraid of it. As it is, I’ve been starting the day with a cup of black tea.

For now, I’m saving the decaf coffee for the weekends, the quiet moments where I can savour it without interruption. Coffee will become part of our shared morning ritual again, and I am already enjoying the anticipation.

On My Mind

Relax

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Our summer holidays have drawn to a close and it’s back to school tomorrow for the teachers. I’m ready, actually, which is a warm feeling.

I had coffee with a group of colleagues this morning, and as we chatted about our holidays, it struck me how little I’d actually done, and how good that felt. I’m normally one to set an alarm, plan activities, spend as much time “doing” as possible. But this summer was different. I could feel that I needed to rest, that my body needed to slow down, and I let it. I lay in bed well past the alarm, already set for later than usual, and spent hours upon hours lost in novels. Sometimes I cooked, sometimes I went for walks.

But what I am mostly struck by, is what I didn’t do. For the first time that I can remember, I didn’t rebel against my body’s desire for quiet. I didn’t push myself to go for a bike ride if I didn’t feel like it, or to the climbing hall if I didn’t feel like it. I didn’t feel like I was wasting my time, I didn’t feel pressured to use my time well, and I really didn’t think too much about the time at all.

Granted, I travelled a little, and those weeks were different. But for three weeks of the summer holidays, I just lived my life at home. Maybe the weather had something to do with it – the weather has been unpredictable, cool, and rainy. Maybe some residual tiredness from the previous school year was still in my body somehow. Or maybe it’s something else entirely. Either way, it was new.

And it was refreshing. I am rested. I am ready to go back to school. I’m looking forward to the routine and to the students, to initiatives I’m involved in and one just getting started.

It has been a quiet summer. And for once, quiet was just right.

Ötztal, Austria – July 2025
On My Mind

Once a Runner

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I gave up running a number of years ago while managing an illness, and because I realized something important. While my relationship with running had always been love/hate, I had discovered sports that I really loved, which proved to me that I didn’t have to settle for love/hate. So I gave up running after a final bad run, and have rarely looked back since.

This month, in preparation for a higher, more technical alpine tour than last summer’s Berliner Höhenweg or climbing the Zugspitze, I started to run again. Casually. Slowly. Work on a little endurance and don’t make a challenge out of it. Just do it. That kind of running.

And this time, I liked it.

This time, I felt like there was a reason for the running rather than just to run, and this allowed me to let go and enjoy the air, the quiet path, the trees. The weather was the very beginning of summer rather than the depths of the tropics; the water source a river rather than the ocean; the vegetation oaks and larches rather than palms and frangipani. After so much time away, my body felt different, reinvigorated by the new challenge rather than worn down by the habit. The knee that had so often twinged made itself known once, a “welcome back” greeting, and went quiet.

Interestingly, over the same time, I realized that I had stopped looking forward to going to the climbing hall. After a few days out on real rocks, the thought of plastic grips and footholds lost its appeal, and I was happier spending my time outside than indoors. So I traded two nights a week in the climbing hall for two nights a week going for a run, just a little one.

I find myself beginning to miss the climbing hall, so I’ll be heading back there soon after some time in the mountains. Hopefully the body will make use of the endurance that comes from running. And even if it doesn’t, it’s a comfort to the mind to know that ten years as a runner are still in there somewhere.

New York City – October 2016