Category Archives: On My Mind

On My Mind

Cancelled

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There were enough signs that aligned (or didn’t) that we knew before we admitted we knew: We would not be travelling to Peru as we planned. It was 4am when we first broached the subject and 11am when we made the decision. We’d booked the trip six months earlier and had talked about it for at least six months before that. But the universe just didn’t turn the way we needed it to turn.

We cried, realizing we were giving up on a dream. There will be other dreams, of course, but dreams are the things that grab hold of us and that’s what makes them so hard to let go.

Over the subsequent days, I realized that I was still sad. I woke up in the mornings wishing I were still asleep, not ready to face yet another day here, when everything I had been looking forward to was somewhere else.

We’ve gone out every day and watched spring coming into full force. I’ve cooked some nice things.

My favourite area in Weimar is the forest close to our flat and I brought my journal there one day. It helps me breathe a little more easily.

When life doesn’t go according to plan, it provides us all sorts of opportunities to realign and readjust. This is a chance to look at my own behaviour and actions in the face of a disappointment and behave differently next time. That’s real life, and there will be a great deal more of it that does not go according to plan.

It its own messy way, that’s what makes it beautiful.

On My Mind

Bad Day

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I caught up to a new colleague while cycling home through the park last week. We’d had our first real conversation just weeks earlier at a wine tasting, which led us to meet in a café days later to continue our conversation. Like many of us who move around, she was looking to find her people. We’re a small school without much transience, and I appreciate that this can be hard to do. I was new once, too.

As one does, I asked about her day and was surprised by the response. “Actually it wasn’t that great,” she said, and I asked if she wanted to tell me more. We rode together until the path forked and I continued towards home.

She’d had a bad day and thanked me for talking about it with her. I was happy to listen, had related some of my own experiences, and had tried to ask questions that might prompt a change of perspective. It wasn’t until I was cycling home the next day, alone, that I realized how seldomly we actually answer the question, “How was your day?”.

I had an administrator once whose classic reply was, “Do you care?”, meant to prompt the asker into thinking about the question. That there’s only one real answer to that question presents its own difficulties. Based on personal observation, Germans tend to avoid the question entirely and just ask how you are. Whether talking about one’s day factors into the answer is purely optional.

Thinking about it from this perspective, I was flattered that my colleague had given me a real answer. It had meant some vulnerability on her part, and that’s not easy with people we’re trying to get to know. But that is the way to get to know people, according to the social penetration theory that my psychology students and I study. Relationships tend to move from superficial and shallow to deeper and more intimate, and people tend to like individuals who share more deeply, leading them to do so in return.

Through the conversation about the bad day, my colleague and I learned a little bit more about each other. We found some commonalities, recognized that others are there for us when we’re open to them, and strengthened a connection. And that’s not a bad way to begin building a friendship.

On My Mind

Birthday Wishes

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Since moving abroad, I’ve had the feeling that my birthday lasts three days. People have sent me birthday wishes a day early or late depending on the time zone I’m in or they’re in, and sometimes it takes me half a day to check my phone, regardless of time zone. I love the feeling of being hugged the world over, and I love the ease of being in touch with people who I have met in different corners of the sky.

This year, my birthday fell on a Monday, my first day back at school after two and a half weeks off. I expected to feel a bit let down by it, but I surprised myself. I am lucky enough to enjoy going to work and I let myself feel pleased by the birthday wishes coming from students and teachers alike. This seemed better than the embarrassment that I’ve conjured up in the past. Maybe it also helped I finally look old enough to avoid, with the notable exception of my grade 7 students, the question of exactly that. They quickly assured me that I don’t look that old, leaving me both flattered and inwardly groaning.

My in-laws surprised me by stopping by with flowers and they stayed for the pizza that my partner and I made from scratch. He has perfected the dough recipe, and it was our best pizza yet. I requested a candle and made a wish, marvelling that this tradition spans oceans. Having left my own family mere days before, it was not just the wine that left me feeling warm as we sat together at the table.

For the coming weekend, we’ve planned a small party to celebrate, inviting more people than we think our apartment can hold. I’m honoured that so many friends can be with us and counting on a bit of birthday magic.

On Monday, I made the same wish upon a candle that I make every time I’m granted a wish, be it on a star or an escaped eyelash. And now my wish for you: May it be a joyful, healthy, peaceful 2025 for you and yours.