Category Archives: On My Mind

US Election 2016

As you know, I try to keep this blog away from politics. There are areas of my life that are highly political and politicized, but this is generally not one of them. However, this election is important enough to me, to the United States, and to the world that I would be negligent as both a concerned citizen and an educator if I did not discuss it.

When I got to work today, for the first time ever, I cried in a school bathroom. And then in a dean’s office. And then in the faculty room. And then during an all-school assembly.

I am in shock. I am afraid. I am deeply concerned about the rhetoric that we are permitted. I am sick over the devastation and human suffering that we are allowing. I am watching the world change and I will forever look at it differently.

I still don’t know what to say to my students.

I spent the morning listening to the news and reading articles about what happened, what to do now, and what to do next.

This is an article from The Washington Post that evaluates modern (Clinton) and postmodern (Trump) values. I think does a nice job of explaining how society has shifted its priorities to bring us to where we are. Author Barton Swaim:

Intellectual historians refer to the period from 1600 to 1945 (more or less) as the “modern” period. It’s always risky to generalize, but truth in the modern era was something objective and knowable, and knowable through material and scientific means (thus not through divine revelation). During the second half of the twentieth century, however, that view of truth was undermined in various ways. Poststructuralism in philosophy, abstraction in art, twelve-tone serialism in music, absurdist fiction in literature — all these things, variously categorized as “postmodernism,” posed direct challenges to the older “modern” view of truth….

For two generations or more, American liberals have cheered postmodern attitudes in art, literature, music and philosophy. Now it has entered politics, and it’s time to panic.

We can panic, but we also need to act. This article from The New Yorker addresses what we are facing with a Trump presidency and how we must uphold the American ideals of democracy, fairness, justice, freedom, and compromise as we move forward. Author David Remnick:

The most hopeful way to look at this grievous event – and it’s a stretch – is that this election and the years that follow will be a test of the strength, or the fragility, of American institutions. It will be a test of our seriousness and resolve….

Trump was not elected on a platform of decency, fairness, moderation, compromise, and the rule of law; he was elected, in the main, on a platform of resentment. Fascism is not our future – it cannot be; we cannot allow it to be so – but this is surely the way fascism can begin….

It is all a dismal picture. Late last night, as results were coming in from the last states, a friend called me full of sadness, full of anxiety about conflict, about war. Why not leave the country? But despair is no answer. To call out authoritarianism, to call out lies, to struggle honorably and fiercely in the name of American ideals – that is what is left to do. That is all there is to do.

There is a lot to think about going forward. We have put the United States in a place that was unimaginable even yesterday. We can no longer stand by and wait for things to change. We must change them.

Tiny Win

I’m not much into competition, but I won today and I feel like celebrating while the win lasts. Therefore, this post.

Going to and from work today took a long time. 85 minutes there. 110 minutes back. Dark when I left and dark when I got home. Not pleasant. I was frustrated about this when I got home, frustrated because it’s supposed to rain tomorrow and I hate running in the rain, which meant I had to run today. In the dark. Again.

So I compromised. I talked myself into a short run. Less than 30 minutes. Less than 4 miles.

Okay?

Fine. If you say so.

And then I did two things that made a huge difference.

  1. I wrote to a friend, “I’m having such a hard time.” I said a few other things, too, but admitting that I am struggling took a weight off my shoulders that I didn’t even know I was carrying. I have talked openly about this to a few people recently, but felt physically better today.
  2. I swapped motivational workout messages with another friend before heading out for said workout. And took a picture of my fun neon clothes. Now I had to make those clothes worth something.

I got outside, started my watch, and flew.

Flew.

For the first time in months, I was running for me. For me. Not out of anger or frustration. Not out of incompetence or inadequacy. Not away from something or towards something else. Not letting various narratives play out in my head. Just running.

For the first time in months, I didn’t pause to stare into the East River and think about how deep the water is. I didn’t look up at the bridges and think about how high they are.

I just ran.

Song in my head? “Jessie’s Girl.” That one has come up before, but I haven’t heard it in a while. I’ve always enjoyed that song. I used to listen to it thinking about how lucky that girl was to be so loved.

But tonight was different.

Tonight I thought about all the women I am so lucky to know who are so loved by so many. I thought about how beautiful they are, in all the ways. I thought about everything I admire in these women, as individuals and collectively. I was overcome with pride at having such people in my life, people I try to emulate.

I ran feeling good, happy, and whole for the first time since this nightmare began a few months ago.

I didn’t look at my watch until I got back and yes, the run was quick.

But it doesn’t even matter.

Demons, I beat you today.

And I will carry this torch with me into tomorrow.

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Operation Keep Smiling

When work and life were really, really challenging in Malaysia two and some years ago, my mum told me not to let it get the better of me. She told me not to let external circumstances take away my usual cheerfulness and joie de vivre. For a while, I did and it was terrible. I’m trying really hard not to do that again.

To keep myself focused on the present rather than worrying (too much) about the future, I started taking pictures of everything I see that makes me smile. Not only has this helped me remember what smiling is, but it has also provided a physical representation of what it means to feel happy. I’ve only been at it for four days, but I notice that I’m looking around a lot more curiously because I want things to smile about. It just feels better.

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Chess table in Tompkins Square Park. I immediately thought about how much fun I would have with this picture if I were an English teacher, or even a student in a creative writing class. I’ve always loved images as story starters and have used them with middle school social studies students. If I were to write a story using this image, it would involve two elderly gentlemen, a pair of small children, and at least one squirrel.
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I love cars. Old cars, flashy new cars, sports cars, muscle cars. But I smiled at this one because it was so teensy! That unfortunately doesn’t come across very well here because of the angle (note to self: perspective) but I smiled when I saw it.

Someone, or several someones, left chalk messages along Avenue A, around and south of 10th. The actual quote, which I really like, reads, “Those who dream by day are cognizant of many things which escape those who dream by night.” Regardless, it was a good reminder to keep dreaming, even when dreaming stems from and results in pain.

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Artistic license . . . but sometimes the original works better!
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Sunday evening in Harlem on my way home from Manhattanville Coffee, where I ran into a friend I haven’t seen in five years who is apparently a regular!
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It took me a minute to catch the text over on the right. Couldn’t have said it better myself.
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This gave me a giggle. If I needed a haircut, I’d go there just because of the clever sign. Which is precisely the point.

I usually attempt to read the graffiti that I pass, but it wasn’t until I’d walked a few more feet that my brain processed what this wall said. I laughed and backtracked to take a picture because it precisely echoes everything I feel like saying to everyone.

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Operation Keep Smiling, over and out.