Tag Archives: Friends

On My Mind

Dance. Share love. Forgive.

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I’m not a big fan of “stuff”. The more I move around, the less I want to own things that I have to move from place to place. The less I want to own things in general, really. If I can’t or won’t transport it, whatever it is, I just don’t need it in the first place. If I haven’t worn it in a year, forgot I had it, or have other things that could substitute for it, that’s one more item I can donate to someone who might find it useful.

There are exceptions, of course. I have a few boxes of memories in my parents’ basement. Photos, dolls and children’s books I’ve been saving “for someday”, thirteen years of yearbooks, textbooks from college and graduate school that I might reference if I ever pursue a doctorate.

Overall, though, I make an effort to use what I have and think very carefully before I buy anything new. Again, there are exceptions. Namely for books.

I’ve been thinking about consumerism a lot lately because it’s that time of year where we turn from being thankful for what we have to becoming obsessed with acquiring more.

I had to laugh when I first saw this. Original from here.

Back in February I spent a long weekend in Ubud, Bali, recuperating from a week in Battambang, Cambodia with the grade ten students at my school. It was a deliciously relaxing three-day period in which I did yoga, walked for hours, ate delicious food, made photographs, read a lot, and wrote even more.

While exploring Ubud, I wandered into more than a few jewelry stores. I’ve always admired really classic pieces that are elegant, subtle, go with everything, and will never go out of style. Bali produces a lot of silver, my favorite metal because of its versatility. It took me three trips to the same store to look at the same necklace before I finally decided to buy it.

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I wore that necklace to school today and a couple of my students asked what it said. I turned over each side and read it aloud to them, “Dance. Share love. Forgive.”

Dance.

Share love.

Forgive.

Dance.

Share love.

Forgive.

Repeat.

That’s what living is all about. That’s what the holiday season, the sprint between Thanksgiving and Christmas (regardless of whether you personally celebrate), really should be about.

It’s the middle of December.

People are excited about the time of year, perhaps anxious about entertaining family members and friends, finalizing travel plans, and looking for ideas of what to give those they love. We all aim for something meaningful, something that is put out on display and remembered rather than something that ends up shoved in the back of the closet, regifted, or donated. We want to express our love towards the people in our lives through actions (love is a verb!) rather than presenting our people with “stuff” in the hopes that they find a use for it. We want to do something that shows our people that we hear them, we’re listening, we’re there for them, we understand, we care.

For the last year, I’ve made donations to several organizations (including GiveWell, Against Malaria, SCI, and CARE) in honor of a number of people in my life for a variety of gift-giving occasions. All of those people have told me that they were, indeed, honored. They were glad that they’d helped others who need it, glad that they could play a role in improving society for all.

I find immense value in cultivating connections with others in our increasingly fractured world. I am willing to argue that human connection is the greatest gift we can all give or receive. Ten months ago, I bought a necklace to remind me. Today, I remembered.

Dance. We are, all of us, trying to create a world where we can live peacefully, eat well, sleep soundly, fulfill our desires, learn endlessly, and be our best selves as frequently as possible.

Share love. We have the ability to give in everything that we do. We can share anything from a smile to a good book, from an idea to a call to action. The positive things that we do for ourselves and those around us are acts of love. They are easy and cost nothing.

Forgive. We owe it to ourselves to move forward, to the greatest extent that we can. Dialogue and reconciliation about what has hurt us can free us from those feelings, form common ground from difference, and allow us to turn our energies elsewhere.

In the frenzy of the weeks ahead, I will be doing my best to remain grounded and to give what I can in the ways that I can. I encourage all of you to join me and to do the same. Together, we can create the world that we all deserve to inhabit.

To my students, today and every day, thank you for reminding me about what counts.

Who would we be if we could not sympathize with those who are not us or ours? Who would we be if we could not forget ourselves, at least some of the time? Who would we be if we could not learn? Forgive? Become something other than we are? – Susan Sontag

New York

Coffee for a Cause

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I love coffee. Very much. It occupies a very important role in my life, and I wake up every morning excited for the first sip. Drug? I think so.

I am also passionate about helping others, so I was delighted when my friend Emily suggested meeting at The Greenhouse Café for a warm beverage and sandwiches on a rainy day. The Greenhouse Café is a lovely little spot that used to be, as the name suggests, a functioning greenhouse! I didn’t even mind the Christmas decorations . . . too much.

It was a bit chilly to sit in the greenhouse so Emily, my friend Paige, and I actually sat in the back, a much more typical café setting with dining tables, matching chairs, and sturdy walls.

What I really enjoyed about Greenhouse Café, even more than the self-serve refillable coffee and the apple-cheddar panini prepared before my eyes, is that Greenhouse Café is part of Coffee Connection, a local nonprofit that purchases and then sells coffee that is fair trade, organic, and sustainably grown. Purchasing these particular coffee beans supports farmers who are committed to those practices. Coffee Connection then sells the coffee in a number of retail and wholesale establishments, providing jobs and job training in their coffee shops for women recovering from addiction.

That’s what we call a social enterprise and I love it.

It wasn’t until the woman who made our sandwiches and provided the necessary huge coffee mugs mentioned the original Coffee Connection on South Avenue that I realized I’d been there! The coffee is roasted on site at this café so it always smells delicious. There’s also a shop selling artisanal Peruvian goods in the back.

Friends, coffee, positive local and global actions. Works for me!

PS I have a soft spot for all social enterprises and spent a week in Battambang, Cambodia last year exploring a wide variety of them. I particularly love those that support vocational training for women. Check out The Nail Social if you’re ever in Singapore.

New York

City Living

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Last week was the busiest week I’ve had since I moved here and it was great!

Monday was my night at home and therefore the only night I went to bed at a reasonable hour.

On Tuesday, my roommate and I had dinner at Raclette, a very cool restaurant in the East Village that highlights raclette cheese in all of its dishes. Not a good place for those with sensitivities to dairy. Delicious for the rest of us.

On Wednesday, Ally and I saw The Great Comet at the Imperial Theatre. It was my third Broadway show ever and it was amazing. The show is a beautifully presented adaptation of part of Leo Tolstoy’s War and Peace. The set and costumes were visually appealing, the music was engaging, exciting, and surprising, and the story itself was compelling. We laughed, looked around in sheer shock, experienced a lengthy strobe light sequence, and thoroughly enjoyed ourselves. And we had Thai food before the show, which was also delicious. Lots of good eating this week!

Thursday had me back in Times Square to meet up with my brother, who was in town for the night because of a networking event organized by the business school at his college. He had no recollection of ever visiting New York as a kid. It was a delight to see the city through his eyes and hear his observations about everything I’ve ceased to notice, like off-leash dogs, the “mixed retail” of apartments, restaurants, and businesses, and the constant noise pollution from traffic.

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My parents were in town for the weekend, which was just so comforting in every way. I am alone a lot on the weekends and I was very glad to be with the two people who probably care about me the most. They’re both been to New York as tourists more than a few times so we largely wandered around in the sunshine with a few food-related destinations in mind. We ate a lot: Bar Virage, Shilla Restaurant, Glaser’s Bake Shop, North Square, The Coffee Shop, and Breads Bakery.

We also, however, visited the 9/11 Memorial Saturday morning, which was really moving. I was in sixth grade on September 11, 2001. That was when I learned that war existed outside of history books. That was when I learned that there are people in this world who aim to harm those around them. That was when I learned that growing up without knowing this was a privilege.

White roses are a birthday tribute by family members
From inside the Mall
Survivor Tree

9/11 changed the world. My students have grown up never knowing the peace and security that I knew as a child. They have never been blissfully ignorant of war, suffering, terror, and fear. It is vexing to me that we do so little to emphasize the importance of peace and dialogue in our schools and in our societies.

I would recommend a visit to the 9/11 Memorial not only as a tribute, but also as a way of starting a conversation about the world we want to build and how to do it.

The parents and I reflected on 9/11 as we walked through the city together. None of us had ever been inside, so we briefly stopped into St. Patrick’s to look around:

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I love religious architecture because it prompts me to think about the people who did the work. I wonder whether the financial, labor, and time contributions were voluntary or forced, a product of devotion or duty. My favorite book about precisely this is Pillars of the Earth. It’s a novel and it’s excellent.

Speaking of books, we also made a visit to The Strand. I love it there but have yet to master the art of browsing without buying.

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So many books!

I walked away with Sex at Dawn, which I first spotted on my last visit to The Strand a few weeks ago. I’m currently in the middle of three other books (Empowering Global Citizens, Moral Failure, and Tender is the Night) so it will be a bit until I open it. All of this alone time, while not my preference, has been rather productive in terms of reading and learning.

It was nice to experience being in New York with a wide range of people this week. It makes me somewhat nostalgic for what could have been, but also anticipatory about what can be. I’m now into my fourth month here and things are still difficult; I wasn’t prepared for such an adjustment and I’m trying really hard. This week, I was glad to be around people who reminded me what’s possible.