Tag Archives: Love

On My Mind

What Scares Me

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My sixth graders have recently come up with a game. Before class begins, they hide just inside our classroom while I wait outside the door greeting each student as he or she walks in. While I’m doing this, the students inside the room jump out and yell, “Boo!” And then they laugh uproariously when I turn around slowly with my eyebrows raised, completely unfazed.

What my sixth graders don’t realize, among other things, is that part of teaching middle school means constantly being prepared for anything and taking it all in stride even when you aren’t.

The first time this happened, the kids asked in awe, “How are you not scared?”

I replied simply, “I’m not afraid of anything.”

They were stunned. One student spent two days listing off different events or activities that might scare me (i.e. a tarantula in my bedroom, climbing a mountain, skydiving) and consistently expressed surprise when I disagreed that each would be scary. While a tarantula in my bedroom might be uncomfortable and concerning and skydiving might be nerve-wracking and exhilarating, neither strike me as remotely scary.

“Things” don’t scare me. They never have.

Truth be told, however, I am more afraid now than I ever remember being.

Real Fears
With Donald Trump as the President-elect, there’s a lot to be afraid of.

And I am.

I am a woman, a naturalized US citizen (and I vividly remember the anxiety in our house when we applied for and received our Green Cards), and a religious minority. The vast majority Trump’s rhetoric and early policy proposals hit right where it hurts.

I have been inappropriately touched, spoken to, and spoken about on the subway. More than once. More than twice.

I have seen swastikas spraypainted on more than a few buildings.

My reproductive rights are at risk. As a result, so is my health. The affordability and accessibility of healthcare is uncertain.

My status as a person has plummeted and I no longer feel safe when I go running after dark.

I care deeply about the well-being of all people all over the world and of the health of the planet itself, so just about everything else Trump says is also cause for concern. My heart goes out to everyone who is a victim of the hatred caused by fear, which is a constantly increasing number. America promised to stand for the “tired, poor, huddled masses yearning to breathe free” and I will. I purposely smile every time I see a women in a hijab and men holding hands on the street.

Stand strong. I stand with you.

I am afraid of the rhetoric that half this country has deemed acceptable.

In short, everything about the recent US presidential election scares me.

And I need to keep bringing it up because I refuse to sit by and wait for history to repeat itself. We know what happens when fear gets the better of us. We fought World War II already. An estimated 50 million to 80 million people died.

Personal Fears
These are irrelevant compared to the much more significant discussion above, but I’m going to include them anyway. If my fears about the political state of this country and the world are enough for you, stop reading here. (No hard feelings! Come back soon!)

Otherwise, here we go:

I’m afraid of being alone forever. I’m afraid of never being able to express my love for others with the depth, intensity, and care that I desperately want to. I’m afraid no one will love me enough to keep me.

I’m afraid of not making a difference in this world. I’m afraid of not making it better.

Looking Ahead
My sixth graders ask, “How are you not scared?”

I am.

Bu my sixth graders don’t need to know. They are already far more attuned to racism, sexism, violence, xenophobia, anti-immigration sentiment, anti-LGBT sentiment, discrimination, prejudice, and other issues than I was at their age. They live in a world dominated by fear, and this is where that fear has brought us.

Afraid? Very much so.

Giving up? Not on your life.

Now more than ever, I am committed to understanding the concerns of those around me. As I do so, I will continue working to build a world that is truly sustainable, better, and more peaceful for all who call it home.

Please join me.

Fear is the main source of superstition and one of the main sources of cruelty. To conquer fear is the beginning of wisdom. – Bertrand Russell

New York

Beginning Again

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It has been quite the week!

On Monday, Mitch and I drove a U-Haul the six hours from Rochester to Manhattan. More accurately, whole truth be told, Mitch drove while I fiddled with the radio dial. Since Monday night, I’ve been heavily involved with cleaning, unpacking, and organizing our Upper East Side apartment. I’ve explored a bit, ventured to my new school (the commute is about 1.5 hours each way and involves subway, train, and taxi so it’s really quite the trek), gotten lost on multiple morning runs in Central Park, and tried to figure out the grocery store thing.

The stereotypes about New York City are true – it’s big and loud and fast. It’s also efficient, exciting, and the most diverse place I’ve ever been. I have heard so many languages that I can’t place, passed dozens of what would be considered niche restaurants anywhere but here, stumbled upon a pop-up vintage store, and wandered through a university campus. I’ve watched people of all walks of life go about all sorts of daily business. For the first time, I completely understand what drew the Humans of New York guy into asking for stories!

In perfect honesty, I’m glad that I’m not navigating this city on my own. I’m a tad embarrassed to be feeling somewhat intimidated, but I am. There’s a lot that I don’t know and most of it hadn’t even occurred to me. For example:

  • There are keys to the garbage and recycling receptacles in front of our building.
  • You have to tie your cardboard with string before you can put it on the curb.
  • There are more ride services in this country than just Uber and Lyft.
  • Grocery stores have elevators and escalators.
  • Everyone is constantly in a rush and annoyed when you aren’t.
  • Dog walking is a real job.

I’ve taken to wearing sunglasses even when I don’t need them just to hide what I’m sure is a constant deer-in-the-headlights look.

And then I saw a bit of graffiti when I was walking between the East Village and Soho. (Note to self: Learn the neighborhoods to avoid referencing maps while blogging.)

IMG_0095

I stopped for a picture because this was my first reminder that people are what make up New York. There’s heart here that might be hidden in the hustle and bustle and flurry of activity, but it’s here. People move fast to make a decent living in a world that moves fast and has come to demand that speed. (I don’t necessarily agree with a life or a world like that, but that’s a post for another time.)

New York is just a city. It’s a city of people who want what people everywhere want. People want to be happy, healthy, and loved no matter where they are. No matter who they are.

As big as it is, as overwhelming as it might feel, New York is just a home for about 8.5 million people. And people are just people, wherever you go.

 

Education, Singapore

For Good

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At times of goodbye, the song “For Good” from the musical Wicked plays on a loop in my head. When I was in high school, the seven senior girls in my choir sang, recorded, and performed a really beautiful SSA rendition that I’m listening to as I write this. Those words were as true in 2008 as they are in 2016.

Today was a hard day.

Today I said goodbye to my school and to so many wonderful, inspiring educators and friends. They said some nice things. I said some nice things. Except for losing the ability to speak (and breathe) during a goodbye “speech” that I had to give about a particularly close friend, I held myself together okay.

I have done so much growing this year, thanks to all of them.

I’ve heard it said
That people come into our lives for a reason
Bringing something we must learn
And we are led
To those who help us most to grow
If we let them
And we help them in return
Well, I don’t know if I believe that’s true
But I know I’m who I am today
Because I knew you

Thank you to those who taught me MYP, DP, ATLs, LOs, and SOIs; how to grade out of 7; who to go to for help about this, that, or the other; how map units in Atlas; when to speak up and when to sit and listen; how to avoid crossing the field in the rain; what to do in case of chaos, disaster, or mosquito bites on camp.

It well may be
That we will never meet again
In this lifetime
So let me say before we part
So much of me
Is made of what I learned from you
You’ll be with me
Like a handprint on my heart

Thank you to those who I looked forward to seeing on the mat every Tuesday; who were always excited for the hawker on Friday; who came to lunch with a story, a quip, and a comment for everything; who seriously answered and encouraged even the most naïve questions; who challenged and supported; who laughed at me sometimes and with me always.

Who can say if I’ve been
Changed for the better?
I do believe I have been
Changed for the better

Thank you to those who have touched my life this year.

I am a better person, educator, and friend for having known you. Thank you for the part you have played in this adventure.

The world itself is a big place and I am lucky enough to have friends in a lot of those places. None of us is a stranger to distance, choices, messaging apps, or long plane rides. I’ll see you again, in your country (wherever that is) or mine (wherever I end up).

Until then, thank you, from the bottom of my heart. I’m so glad to have met you.

Because I knew you
I have been changed for good

Wishing you all the best in your lives and your journeys, now and always.