Tag Archives: Pregnancy

On My Mind

Feeling Like Myself

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I ran into a friend in town last weekend who asked what I thought was a very insightful question: Are you feeling like yourself?

I’m 25 weeks pregnant and my body is undergoing a series of rapid changes. I’ve become comfortable with the pace of change at this point, but the changes themselves are always very new, and each still takes some getting used to. That being said, I really don’t spend that much time in each individual body phase before another takes over. It’s a journey, as they say.

And it really is very beautiful. I have always loved seeing what the body is capable of, and I confess myself in awe of biology.

It’s obviously not just the body that changes during pregnancy, but also the mind. I’m not talking about “baby brain” here, but rather the way that I’ve come to see myself, which is why my friend’s question rang really loudly. The way I spend my time now is definitely different to how I spent time before: I cycle to and from school much more slowly; I am restricted to easy (and therefore boring) routes at the climbing hall, and being there is more for social reasons than training reasons; yoga has become about opening, stretching, and breathing, and no longer has anything to do with using the breath to go deeper and become stronger; I find myself very comfortable spending evenings quietly at home and have been doing a lot of crocheting. Of course, some of this could be related to the time of year. It’s cold, dark, and generally unpleasant outside, and I was more than happy, as always, to go for a long walk in the forest on a sunny day last weekend. But it all feels a little slower, a little more relaxed, a little more settled.

I’m still feeling like myself in the sense that I am at home in my body. I love what it looks like and feels like, I take a picture once a week, and I am utterly charmed by the movement of my growing baby. But where I’ve had to see myself differently is in the way that my body allows me to experience the world. I have had to modify much of what I love to do because that’s the right choice right now, and my body reminds me of that. Accepting where my body is today allows me to enjoy this stage of life, and that is good for the mind. Feeling good in the mind is what allows me to feel like myself, albeit a somewhat different version.

Different phases of life give us the opportunity to try on different selves and I’ve been letting myself listen to this current one. It turns out there a lot of peacefulness to be had there.

Weimar, Germany – November 2025
On My Mind

Expecting – Part I

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You were the size of a sesame seed when your papa and I first learned about you. We were in the Alps for some climbing and mountaineering, and all I could think about was you.

You were the size of a blueberry when we first saw your heart beating. And how fast! We were in awe.

You were the size of a strawberry when it was time for new bras. Finally, an easily managed symptom of my body shaping itself to house you.

You were the size of a fig when I saw your hands wave and feet kick. You turned around and around.

Your papa and I held hands in the waiting room when you were nearly the size of a lemon. Then, the doctor showed us your symmetrical brain, four-chambered heart, 10 fingers, 10 toes. Your feet crossed at the ankles and your hands covered your face. Through tears, we watched you move.

You were almost the size of an apple when it was time for maternity pants. I marvelled at my body’s ability to make space for you.

You were the size of a cucumber when my skin met skin in places that had never touched before. I grew out of my climbing harness and started wearing one designed for my changing body, announcing to everyone who didn’t already know that you were on the way.

When you were the size of a mango, your papa felt you move for the first time. We lay in the dark as I guided his hand, both of us basking in the astonishment of you.

Halfway through the journey of becoming, you were the size of a grapefruit. Your papa and I took some time away to be together, smiling all the while at you.

Madeira, Portugal – October 2025
On My Mind

New Body Yoga

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No bending over, no engaging the abs, no twisting.

No inversions, no backbends, no planks.

Welcome to prenatal yoga, where it’s all about space, lengthening, and breath.

In some twist of fate, the yoga teacher who comes to my school once a week is also certified in prenatal yoga, and she has been kind enough to modify our usual class for me. As this is a teacher who knows me and how my body is used to moving, I feel very safe in her hands.

I love yoga for many reasons and have been practicing regularly for over fifteen years. I love the way it has helped me get to know my body, what it has shown my body to do, and the way my breathing has changed as a result. That’s what yoga is, really; breathing, and letting the breath move the body.

As I’ve learned more about yoga as a practice and as I’ve become stronger and more experienced, I’ve recognized different purposes in yoga, and they have applied to different points of my life. I’ve done yoga for the purpose of getting stronger, for learning to breathe, for slowing down, for healing, and for learning to work with discomfort.

And now, I’m doing yoga to encourage the changes taking place in my body, to help it lengthen, open, and create space. As my belly grows, the pace of yoga postures slows down, the breathing practice deepens, and concentration shifts from breath to body and back to breath. Working on the breath is no longer a means to find the deepest core of myself, but also to welcome the being that is becoming.

“I know it’s boring,” my teacher said at the beginning. “But you’ll get bigger and you’ll see.”

Used to feeling my body move and stretch and knowing how to use the breath as a way to move the body, it was boring. And then I stopped focusing on what I couldn’t do any more and started focusing on the purpose: lengthen, open, create space, breathe.

Yoga was no longer boring.

Used to coming home feeling stretched and strong, a rubber band played with, twisted, pulled, I began coming home feeling relaxed, calmer, my hips and lower back able to move more fluidly. I’ve been tired at the end of the day in a way that I’ve never been tired before, and it was yoga that reminded me why.

Yoga is like meditation in the sense that we practice. It is a continuous doing without a done, without a stopping point, without a natural break. Yoga is a flow. It is about welcoming what is, where it is, how it is. And now, it is about welcoming what will be.

Lengthen. Open. Create space.

Breathe.

Ubud, Bali, Indonesia – February 2016