I did not attend a prenatal class with my partner in order to find friends. I shrugged when the midwife leading the class mentioned that she had had a group of families twenty years ago that still gets together. However, I accepted when two women asked to exchange numbers at our final session, and agreed to be added to a Whatsapp group when, weeks later, a handful of us with brand new babies ran into each other during a Family Day event in town.

As it turned out, several of us women with babies attended the same pelvic floor gymnastics class, a standard procedure here. Another lived across the street from where the course took place, and initiated our first group meet-up.

Since then, I’ve met up with the group and individuals not infrequently. Like everyone said it would be, it’s nice having people around experiencing the same things. And as one of the women pointed out, we have a comfortable group. We talk about our babies without comparing. We delight in what the others are doing and encourage our babies accordingly. We support one another in the things we find difficult, either commiserating (all of our babies have decided that sleeping at night is optional) or offering a listening ear (all of us have a bit to say about equity in childrearing). When someone wants a suggestion, they ask for it. Otherwise, no need to offer unsolicited advice.

One of the women mentioned that this is in contrast to several of her friends with babies. She spends less time with them now, she said, because she walks away feeling dejected and demoralized. Everything is easy for the others and there is no space for what she has to share.

This is the opposite of reassurance, and no one needs a group like that.

But I have come around to the idea that everyone needs a group. New parenthood can be very isolating and it’s important to get out. It’s important to have people who get it. That being said, I have also been spending a lot of time with friends who don’t have babies. It is refreshing to talk about something else, and good to realize a different aspect myself.

If you’re a new parent and feeling alone, drop me a comment or a message; we’ll chat. I’m here for you. And if you’re a new parent and not feeling alone, drop me a comment or a message; we’ll chat. Adults need friends, too.