Category Archives: Parenting

Parenting is a Jazz Routine

I grew up involved in theatre and its associates – drama classes, plays and musicals, dance and dance recitals, chorus and choral concerts. I attended improv shows, student and professional performances of all kinds, and sought out live music in cafés and on street corners. I grew up in a town with an annual, famous, phenomenal jazz festival, which I still miss attending.

I was a young teenager when my guitar teacher and I started playing around with jazz, which did not captivate me then like it would when I was a bit older. Far too uncertain and afraid of making mistakes to just give it a try, I looked for the right notes, something that would undoubtedly work, and missed the opportunity to enter the unknown and see where it would take me. Nowadays, I go through phases of playing the guitar and am immensely grateful to have brought it with me all over the world. Rather a lot of guitar improv has taken place since I asked my teacher if we could do something else.

Considering this, I had to laugh at myself when, in response to a friend’s query about how my little family and I are doing, I answered “We have something like a jazz rhythm going on – not a routine but rather patterns, and some more predictable than others.”

I don’t think I’ve ever compared life to jazz before, but I’m certainly not the first one to do it. And upon reflection, I find that’s not a bad way to think about parenting in the stage where we are right now. There’s a general flow to the day, lots of twists, turns, bumps, and happenings, and a general flow to the evenings and nights. Anything and everything can happen in between and it does. Plans are in quotation marks because little goes according to plan, but appointments are kept and meet-ups occur. As soon as we think we’ve figured something out, our sweet baby grows and changes and we start all over again.

And just like a good rhythm, jazz or otherwise, there’s an undercurrent, a steadiness holding it all together, that one can always find and fall back on. In the case of being a parent, it’s the purest form of love.

Rochester, New York – June 2019

Springtime

Time seems to be passing extraordinarily quickly. Maybe it’s that my baby changes every day and is growing out of her clothes. Just a couple days ago I thought a pair of pajamas would soon be too small and then, changing her in the middle of the night, determined that they were, as of that moment, too small.

Or maybe it’s the nature of spring, how it feels like it will never arrive and then is suddenly here in full bloom. I’ve just packed away my heavier between-the-seasons jacket and am fairly confident I won’t need to take it out again (have I now jinxed it?).

People say that time speeds up as you get older, which makes sense – there’s more life and experience to look back on. People also say that babyhood and childhood are gone in the blink of an eye. It ruffles my feathers a little to admit that many of the things people say about infants, specifically in terms of the first feelings and weeks and moments (I’m not yet at a point where I can attest to anything else), have turned out to be accurate.

Spring is a lovely time and I find it even more special now. A new person is blossoming as nature comes back to life. I will cherish both, rush neither, and try to gracefully accept what we all know to be true: To every thing, there is a season.

Weimar, Germany – February 2024

You and Me

There’s you and me, and the quiet and the dark. Whether you know it or not, you burrow deeper under my chin, resting your body over my heart.

I close my eyes and my hand continues moving in slow circles along your tiny back. You’ve been lulled to sleep, or maybe you’ve finally decided that it’s time for bed.

Your breathing is rapid, audible, and the noises that you make are far too loud for someone of your size.

I close my eyes and there’s you and me. There’s contentment and peace and a mere moment between the calm of now and the agitation of minutes ago.

Don’t worry. I’m right here.