All posts by Rebecca Michelle

Educator, traveler, reader, blogger. Loves learning, black coffee, and friendly people.
New York

Beginning Again

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It has been quite the week!

On Monday, Mitch and I drove a U-Haul the six hours from Rochester to Manhattan. More accurately, whole truth be told, Mitch drove while I fiddled with the radio dial. Since Monday night, I’ve been heavily involved with cleaning, unpacking, and organizing our Upper East Side apartment. I’ve explored a bit, ventured to my new school (the commute is about 1.5 hours each way and involves subway, train, and taxi so it’s really quite the trek), gotten lost on multiple morning runs in Central Park, and tried to figure out the grocery store thing.

The stereotypes about New York City are true – it’s big and loud and fast. It’s also efficient, exciting, and the most diverse place I’ve ever been. I have heard so many languages that I can’t place, passed dozens of what would be considered niche restaurants anywhere but here, stumbled upon a pop-up vintage store, and wandered through a university campus. I’ve watched people of all walks of life go about all sorts of daily business. For the first time, I completely understand what drew the Humans of New York guy into asking for stories!

In perfect honesty, I’m glad that I’m not navigating this city on my own. I’m a tad embarrassed to be feeling somewhat intimidated, but I am. There’s a lot that I don’t know and most of it hadn’t even occurred to me. For example:

  • There are keys to the garbage and recycling receptacles in front of our building.
  • You have to tie your cardboard with string before you can put it on the curb.
  • There are more ride services in this country than just Uber and Lyft.
  • Grocery stores have elevators and escalators.
  • Everyone is constantly in a rush and annoyed when you aren’t.
  • Dog walking is a real job.

I’ve taken to wearing sunglasses even when I don’t need them just to hide what I’m sure is a constant deer-in-the-headlights look.

And then I saw a bit of graffiti when I was walking between the East Village and Soho. (Note to self: Learn the neighborhoods to avoid referencing maps while blogging.)

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I stopped for a picture because this was my first reminder that people are what make up New York. There’s heart here that might be hidden in the hustle and bustle and flurry of activity, but it’s here. People move fast to make a decent living in a world that moves fast and has come to demand that speed. (I don’t necessarily agree with a life or a world like that, but that’s a post for another time.)

New York is just a city. It’s a city of people who want what people everywhere want. People want to be happy, healthy, and loved no matter where they are. No matter who they are.

As big as it is, as overwhelming as it might feel, New York is just a home for about 8.5 million people. And people are just people, wherever you go.

 

New York, On My Mind

Just a Note

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I went to college in Syracuse, NY and I’m back now for my roommate’s wedding. I couldn’t be happier to be here or to celebrate such a genuinely kind person and her equally kind tomorrow-to-be husband. In revisiting some old haunts, I headed to Strong Hearts Café, which I was delighted to see had not changed a bit in five year. It’s vegan, provides free coffee refills, and has a list of milkshakes named after radical, influential, and often forgotten people (my personal favorite names include Tiananmen Square Guy, The Haudenosaunee, The White Rose, Sacco & Vanzetti, Howard Zinn, and Paul Rusesabagina). What’s not to love? Actually I can answer that: the lack of cheese.

A girl in her late teens or early twenties came in with a woman I assume was her mother and sat at the table next to me. The girl remained at their table while the mother went to the counter to order. Alone, the girl started to cry. She regained composure and then broke into new tears several times while they waited for a strawberry waffle.

My heart went out to her while I sat at my table and tried to concentrate on my book. I wanted to reach over and tell her that it would all be okay. I wanted to ask if she needed a hug. I wanted to help her stop hurting.

So I wrote her a note on a napkin.

The girl and her mother asked for a takeaway box and left while I was writing, so I never dropped it on their table. Maybe had I started writing earlier, instead of waiting to see if the waffle would help her feel better, I could have been of comfort in some way. Instead, I’ll leave the note here in case she reads this blog. Stranger things have happened, right?

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I know life can sometimes be very hard. I’m sorry for whatever you’re going through. I’m sorry you’re hurting.

But I also know that this, too, shall pass. Every day will be easier than the last.

You are not alone. The people in your life are here for you. Everyone hurts sometimes – we are all here for you.

Fall down seven times, stand up eight.

You can do it.

As I’ve been typing this, Jakob Dylan’s “Everybody’s Hurting” is playing in my head. (Let the record show that there are often songs playing in my head.) It’s a little church-y but I really love this line: My sweetheart we’ve got to learn to live with these ghosts/They can’t leave and we can’t go.

This is the message I want to send to everyone who is hurting, for whatever reason. This is for anyone who needs a friendly face or a shoulder to cry on. I am here for you. If we have yet to meet or if I’ve known you for a long time, I am here for you. Whatever your ghosts, I am here for you. We are all humans, and therefore I am here for you. No questions asked.

On My Mind

Let’s Talk About Sex: Part Two

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I recently spotted this month’s issue of Glamour in the waiting room of my doctor’s office:

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There are a number of really invigorating, inspiring aspects to Glamour, including the Woman of the Year Award and a feature about college women around the US who are extraordinary in their community service, academics, and career achievements. Glamour supports and cultivates strong women, which is empowering to girls and women of all ages and walks of life.

However, I had a real problem with one of the headlines from this particular issue. Any guesses? Bottom right corner. This one:

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My problem with this headline is not that it uses the phrase “woman card” (what does that even mean?) but that good sex is labeled a “right” at all.

Yes, everyone should have good sex all the time. Yes, women (and men) should feel cherished, loved, adored, cared for, protected, and desired by their partners.

But that’s not a right. As I’ve come to understand it, any form of real intimacy is a product of open, honest human connection. In my experience, good sex doesn’t just happen. It develops through trust, reciprocity, mutual admiration, and the desire to make a partner feel everything you want to feel. Intimacy, then, is about acknowledging and accepting your own humanity.

When I first mentioned my frustration with the headline to my mum, she pointed out that Glamour writes for a wide range of women, and many older women have grown up with very different attitudes towards sex. When sex is viewed as a marital duty and obligation to which women submit because that’s what men want, it’s a very different conversation.

Thinking about girls and women today, however, makes me wonder whether that narrative has changed. Do we still think of intimacy as male-dominated and male-oriented? Are women viewed as a second thought? We tell girls and women to be careful how they dress so they don’t attract too much attention; do we tell boys and men to treat girls and women with the respect that they, as human beings, unequivocally deserve? There’s a lot in the media and even in the news that indicates that sex, as told by pop culture, is very much the domain of men.

That’s a problem. And that’s why I propose changing the conversation. Here are some questions that I’m considering. I’d love any and all thoughts and feedback!

  • How can we talk about sex as a product of human connection?
  • Does the nature of intimacy change if we see it as the natural result of deep feelings of care, respect, openness, reciprocity, and mutuality?
  • Can we have a conversation about intimacy that centers on the feelings and actions that lead up to it?
  • If anyone has a “woman card” at all, it’s a product of being human. How should we make human-ness, rather than divided roles as men and women, part of a better conversation?
  • What messages should we be sending young people about intimacy that are not currently transmitted?

If intimacy provides opportunities for us to be our most vulnerable around one another, we need dialogue about what makes us human and how we seek connection with those around us. That’s what I see as missing from that headline.

PS You can take a look at my first post about sex here.