Tag Archives: Friends

On My Mind

You’ve Got a Friend in Me

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As I’ve gotten older and moved around, I’ve come to truly understand the value of friendship. There are a lot of people I am lucky enough to call friends, but significantly fewer I feel connected to without ever having to explain why and regardless of distance or the passage of time. One of those friends came to visit me this weekend after traveling for work, which he does several times a year. Our first trip together was to visit a friend in St. Louis, Missouri a few summers ago and we’ve since met up in Hong Kong and Krabi following his other work trips. It was wonderful to show him around Singapore and introduce him to my people here. My American world and overseas world are very different places and I am so glad they collided this weekend.

Lucas and I have been friends since the beginning of our freshman year of high school. We were 14 when we met and remained in the same group of friends throughout our high school years. We ended up going to the same university, which was large enough that we never would have crossed paths had we not already known each other. He came to my college graduation (two years before his because of our programs) and Lucas’s college graduation is the only one I have ever attended besides my own. We have had twelve years of history together and countless experiences. Lucas has shaken me back down to Earth on more than one occasion, encouraged me to evaluate and reevalute my choices, and unequivocally supported the decisions I’ve made. I don’t want to speak for him, but I believe I’ve acted in kind. Suffice to say we’ve learned, grown, changed, and are always looking forward to the next adventure. Here’s to you, friend!

I don’t have the words to express my appreciation for the people in my life who I can count on to be honest with me in any and all circumstances. These are the people who I am the most open with, the people I have the best conversations with, and the people who I trust with anything and everything. Reciprocity, mutuality, and genuine caring are the essential ingredients in these relationships. It’s a balance between give-and-take, but I see the willingness to give as more important. I’ve learned that I can’t expect others to be open with me if I’m afraid to be vulnerable with them.

A few months ago, I read Daring Greatly by Brené Brown and the following line has remained with me:

Vulnerability is the last thing I want you to see in me, but the first thing I look for in you.

Looking back on past friendships and relationships, the more truth I find in that statement. We have to allow ourselves to be seen, not just looked at. We have to be willing to be heard, not just listened to. Being vulnerable requires communication and dialogue on our part and not only on the part of the other. It’s hard. It can hurt. Often, it does.

But it is only once we’re ready for openness, honesty, and trust that we are able to see and hear others the way they deserve to be seen and heard.

After saying goodbye to Lucas and walking into work today, the lyrics of an old Barenaked Ladies song popped into my head for the first time in years. They’re true, too, for anyone I know and anyone I will know.

And if you call, I will answer
And if you fall, I’ll pick you up
And if you court this disaster
I’ll point you home.

-“Call and Answer”, The Barenaked Ladies

We all want to be seen. I am so thankful for the people in my life who see me, and for those who let me see them.

For better or for worse, you’ve got a friend in me.

Singapore

Vegetarian in Singapore

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When I was flying back from Siem Reap, Cambodia in March I read an article in JetStar’s inflight magazine about vegetarian hawker food in Singapore. My go-to at the hawker is mixed rice because you just point to the dishes you want, grab a pair of chopsticks, and enjoy. Eating at a vegetarian hawker, however, would open up a whole world of culinary flavors that I have been unable to try here!

Lucky for me, I have kind and adventurous friends who have actively responded to my pledge to make every day count as I wrap up my time here in the Little Red Dot (sob!).

With that JetStar article as a guide, Josh and I headed out to the Aljunied MRT, where we were promised delicious bowls of laksa at the oldest vegetarian eatery in Singapore. One restaurant near where I lived in Malaysia served delicious vegetarian laksa and I miss it. I also miss my bowl of hot, spicy curry mee at 10am for morning break at school!

Mmmm food. My palate has expanded in the most delightful ways.

We knew we were getting close to our destination when we passed multiple shops that smelled of incense and sold Buddhist artifacts and books. Kwan Inn Vegetarian Food turned out to be a hawker stand serving mixed rice, made-to-order dishes, and several soups.

For our first course, Josh and I each ordered a bowl of laksa in a fantastic, fragrant coconut broth. I picked out a few items from the mixed rice counter for us to share – spicy fake fish (this used to be school lunch sometimes at school in Malaysia), tofu and green beans (a classic), and two kinds of mushrooms. We have the best mushrooms in Asia. Lime juice was our beverage of choice.

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Total cost: $10.80. Eating can be cheap in Singapore if you know where to go!

Of course, with so many opportunities to experience real Peranakan food, we had to get more! Josh ordered peanut fritters (normally prawn fritters) and spinach noodles (yes, actually green). These were served with two types of tofu, mushrooms, and sprouts. Normally the meat is char siew, which is pork, and the noodles are plain egg noodles. We tucked in before I could get a picture, but I promise it was all delicious!

Thank you to Josh for a really fun meal and thank you to JetStar for its inspiration!

On My Mind, Singapore

On the Move

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Lots of travel updates lately, so here’s a quick life update:

I recently signed for a job in New York at a Jewish private school just outside the city and I have a flight home. Mitch and I don’t yet have a place to live, but that’ll happen all in good time. Moving to New York City is now a real thing!

I’m feeling a lot better about the move now that work is settled. It’s a middle school social studies job, which will be new for me, but I’m pretty confident in my pedagogy and I’m excited about the school. I wouldn’t have taken the job if I didn’t think it was a good fit but too many factors aligned for it to be anything else. As it happens, I attended a Jewish school for kindergarten through grade eight, overlapped with my new head of department when I was an undergrad in the program in which she was a grad student, went to my new principal’s alma mater for grad school, and – here’s the part that sealed the deal – grew up in the town where my new head of school’s relatives live and was a member of the middle school youth group that his sister and brother ran when they were in college.

That last part, friends, is called playing Jewish Geography. Fun game. I’ve made lots of acquaintances and even friends that way, which probably makes us a rather insular group. I’d argue, though, that it’s fair to say that about every minority ethnic group. 🙂

I’ve written before about my excitement to be with Mitch again and that’s still true. If not for him, there’s no reason to leave Singapore.

And that’s what is making this so hard.

I went out for coffee with my friend Jamie this afternoon and we started talking about all the things we need to do before I leave in (gulp) just over two months. Two months and three days. Time flies. As Jamie and I chatted and planned where in the world we could meet up in the coming years (compatible teacher schedules help!) I decided that I’m ready to go, but I’m not ready to leave.

I felt such a cold sense of finality when I clicked “confirm” on my flight payment tonight. The hard part is that I feel that I have unfinished business here. I have such wonderful friends who I love and who, in some ways, I’m still getting to know. I’m not done with that.

There are students to teach, inquiry questions to address, and curricula to plan. They can get along without me just fine, but I don’t know how I’ll do without them – both the students and the teachers!

There are neighborhoods of Singapore I haven’t seen, cafes and restaurants I haven’t tried, parks I haven’t explored, and hawker food I haven’t tasted. There are amazing countries to visit that I’m closer to now than I’ll likely ever be again.

Ever is a long time.

Even after a year, plus six trips to Singapore before I moved, I feel like I’ve just arrived. I’m still learning and I’m still excited. I was so ready to leave Malaysia by the time that finally happened and I could not feel more differently now.

I also feel like I have a home here but homes are portable. Home has come to mean people, not places. I already have a lot of people in New York City and I am looking forward to being much more present in their lives. So, I’m ready to go.

Leaving? Not so much.

As Leonardo DiCaprio’s Jack Dawson said in one of my favorite scenes in Titanic, “To making it count.”

I have 63 more days here. And I intend to make them all count.